he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize