This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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