I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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