when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
