I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
