As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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