I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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