Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
