i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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