I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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