Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
