apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
