even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
