oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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