I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
