You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
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We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
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My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel