do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
