I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize