your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What a dumb baby whore.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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