you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
