she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Houston, we have a blender
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
