Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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