His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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