Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
