apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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