last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
