But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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