i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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