it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
