I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
