If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
