Small penises have feelings too.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
