My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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