Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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