No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
