the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
