I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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