Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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