Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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