I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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