I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
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Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
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I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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