Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
