a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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