If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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