I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I party with great urgency now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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