I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
