Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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