I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
