you guys were way drunker than both of me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
