You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
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Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize