hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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