he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
