hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
