you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
