I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
