I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
