Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
