he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
