Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
