He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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