Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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