her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
