Kiss
Puke
we have officially lost it.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
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What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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