Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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