If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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